I am LaZy To Blog

Decision After a Day

2010-12-09T11:55:00.000-08:00

I hope you really have a great day yesterday
For your birthday
Somehow I had made a decision
This would be my decision that
I will continue to write here
Words to you
Everything about us
Continue on with the story of two strangers
How they met
And how they fell in love

I do not know whether
When you see all these
I have triggered your happiness or sadness
Or you are really touched with it
But one thing I pretty sure that
If I don't continue on
I will regret that
I did not hold my promise
To complete the whole story

No matter what will happen in future
I hope that
I could continue on the outcome that I mentioned with this blog
"Let me smile when I write
Let you smile when you read"
Let our life be better

I am not sure whether you will continue to see my "effort" here
But still
My decision is
Continue on to complete the puzzles in our life
Cherish the things that both of us have owned
And if possible
Cherish our future together

Replaceable

2010-12-04T02:01:00.000-08:00

Hi Bloggie,

Insomnia makes me moody, always thinking of the same fear that I had. I would like to stop all these sickness, tiredness and emotional mood.I would like to get away from problems, burden, pressure, and that fear. Now,I had realized clearly what is my fear that I always had since I came to Lincoln. It was not that I will not be able to be with him, or I could not have time to accompany him in skype. The most fearful thing is that wont be knowing on what day or which day, i will be replaced by someone in his heart.

Every time I think about this, I couldn't stop myself from weeping. I felt myself started to be a real crybaby. I really tired of those tears. I hope to not to think so much of this fear, and do what my friend said to me,"Just be positive, and make him feel positive about it." The way he treated me is already different than last time. He wont smile at me anymore and I started to feel the ignorance from him. Although he said," This is not ignorance. if I really ignore you, I wont be switching on my skype". Yea, he may be true, but it can implies that I need to wait till one day he don't on it anymore, means that's the end of two of us. I do not want to wait till this day. I tried to brought up my fear to him, but I do not know whether he understands it, or he is making it a very small matter which don't really need to care. But seriosuly, I don't want it to be like, if one day my performance to him is not good, he will disqualify me and get someone to replace me. All I can do is to wait the day comes.

I hope he will treat me sincerely, not treating this as a love game or a competition. I really couldnt feel secured from him anymore if he continues to do this way. It will make me more suspicious to him and doubtful, making me think even more perhaps in the negative aspect. I hope he don't make me to do this cruel move that I should give up and continue with my life, even he still loves me.

I had bad dreams about him,and sometimes I thought he was just beside me like last time. May be it was just my imagery, because I am missing him too much.I often wonder with all these questions: Did he miss me?? Will I be replaceable to him?? Will he be like me, always thinking too much and make things negative?? I wish that he will not think toooo much, because sometimes thinking things simple may be a good solution to solve things. I understand that people's word would affect his thoughts and making him think even more, because I sometimes felt the same way as him. Still, I hope he can think things simple, stop thinking too much, and is better to think of how we can make our relationship even stable and strong.

I hope we can stay strong together, and I will try to think in a positive way. This post will be a good reminder for me about the negative thoughts that I am having now, so that in future I will not be in this way again. I will continue on to believe that we can do it, and don't think of the word "replaceable" anymore, because I know him well that he will only have everything about me in his heart, so do I having all about him in my heart=)

Realize

2010-11-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

Hi bloggie,

Here is another post about him. I just realized that he was not that bad as I thought. I had thought wrongly about him. For so long that I have been together with him,I almost forgot his everything, just because we were far away apart, and being covered by those irrational and home-sick emotions. I really almost forgot of who he is, and how he thinks. What he said was right, I have been staying with him for monthes, and how could I don't know the true him. Suddenly, sweet memories just pop up in my mind, telling me how wonderful time we had, how silly we were, and how fool we were when we were being together.

Now only I realized that I had given him too much pressure, although is indirectly. Still, I hope that I could bear some of the burden and pressure that he had with me. He this silly guy, want to carry all the burden by himself and don't want me to know. I was wondering, why did he do that?? Why cant he tell me?? Then I realized the thing that he is doing now, is trying his best to not burdening me, not wanting me to be worried, wanting me to be happy, wanting my family to be able to accept him, not wanting me to suffer with him.All these is because he loves me a lot. Although he didnt say, still I know that he actually miss me, just like how much I miss him.

He will laugh when talking about me, I will laugh too while writing about him. He wants me to have a good life with him. I am not the only one that think far, he is also planning far for our future. Silly him, why don't want to tell me all these, and always think of me first than other things.

I have to take back all my bad words about him. He really tired and exhausted to bear the pressure that he had with me. I will try my best to keep my pampered temper and try to think rationally for him. But I hope he don't be so silly again, his silliness had touched my heart and I couldnt stop myself from tearing whenever I feel his suffer.I am an emotional person, easily get cry when he was being bad or naughty, but also will cry easily whenever he's being too good to me.

I hope he will do well, and I will not pressure him somehow. I realized his heart was always owned by me, even till now, so I shouldnt be scared of any challenges and obstacle that we had anymore, because we had prepared ourselves to encounter all these together. I do not want him to cross over all these obstacles by himself, i hope I can share with him.

*JIA YOU CHIAN~~!! Let's work hard together, ok ?? PROMISE will trust you, love you and miss you even more~~(^^)

Black Friday during Thanksgiving

2010-11-27T14:26:00.000-08:00

Hi Bloggie,

Yesterday was my first thanksgiving, my first Black Friday. Girls will definitely get energetic when talking about shopping, I am not the exceptional one. I even had prepared a long thanksgiving list, which I think it is impossible for me to be able to finish shopping in one day.

The night before Black Friday, Mandy and I had planned to go there early. Although we were not the earliest customer to reach the Westfield Mall ( one of the mall in Lincoln), we had planned to take the earliest bus to the mall. Miracle happened, and I really woke up at 5 in the morning so that I could catch the bus before 5.40 a.m.( Normally 10 alarms also cant wake me up, but I really set 10 alarms just to make sure I wake up).

Amazingly, we had did what we had planned. Tick Loong, Mandy and I met up at 5.30, walked to the bus stop by 5.40. It was really a super duper cold night, I guessed it was lower than 32F(0C). WOW~!!! It was so cold, yet when we reached to the mall, the parking lots were fulllll...When I got down the bus, first thing i saw was a lady carrying big bags walking out from the mall. Mandy and I got even crazy when see people were shopping there madly. We won't be called Mandy and Adeline if we don't get into the crowd to shop. hehe=)

The first shop I saw- Victoria Secret. Everyone was queuing up for it, I was so curious about it until Mandy told me that they have this promotion buy up to 50 USD will get a free nice bag. We went to all shops and bought a lot of stuff. I spent alot and I stil felt like spending even more. This Black Friday really drive me crazy....arghh...I bought a super duper nice boot heels, skarf, glove, shirts, sweater, one converse shoe, and more.... arghh...now in the middle of financial crisis, and I still need to buy my skin product and my chanel eyeliner...sob sob....ohya...my mouse and headphone also spoiled already, want to find one not branded one also cant..mouse also at least 10 USD and above...aitzzz...

Well, did shop happily, but came out with empty wallet already..(lol...just joking, we used debit and credit card more here). Now I really have to plan well in my spending. No more outside food, eat less, and keep fit. This is called throwing one stone and kill two birds. But still, I had fun shopping with Mandy, and really thanks to Tick Loong for helping us to take our stuff( he only bought one boots and all the stuff in his hand was ours..lol), really appreciate that=)

A Happy Shopping Day~~!!

Worthness

2010-11-25T20:41:00.000-08:00

Hi Blog,

It's been very long time I never blog, dont know since when I start not to blog. After being with him, I started to blog less. May be because I am always busy with my own relationship with him. I should blog more, so that I will feel better. Today I choose to start my journey of blogging again.

I started to feel that I am not worth for him. He can said this to me, " I dont want you," without any hesitant to me. I started to doubt, whether his words is true. Just because of no waist of 24, he doesnt want me. I dont want my true love turn to the love which loves because of body, beauty... I started to feel that I hate myself more than I hate him, because I make myself love him more than loving myself.

After seeing his status changing from relationship to single, then not listed into single.My heart was like being poke my a very sharp knife, heart had broken into pieces, fear had occupied into my soul. I was really mean with it, doubted of what he wants, and why should I change myself because he say so. I almost couldnt breath anymore with the tiredness and burden of being his ideal girl, I am really tired, really torturing, and really could not even catch a breath anymore.

Today is Thanksgiving, supposing should be happy, but I couldnt smile, I couldnt focus my stuff, wondering why he cant even leave one simple message so that I would know whats up with him. I kept waiting, and waiting...waiting and waiting....end up i get a waiting without outcome. Finally he replied me, and say dun be mad at him. Just a simple word of comfort also he cant give me in one second time, I questioned myself, how important I am to him, or I had become the least important to him, or not at all...

Now I am still thinking, whether is worth to continue to be loyal to him, as I am already started to be doubtful with a lot things. I started to feel like I do not know this man, he wasn't like that before he left. Can our relationship sustain, our love goes to eternity, or may be only my love was there and he had no more love for me.

Just now on the way back home, I see the sky, there is only one star, it just like representing me being alone, and because the star is just alone, it is not worth to be seen, just like I feel myself being not worth to me at all. I am angry with myself, sad with it, and suffer with it. Hopefully what I wrote here will makes me feel better. I do not know whether I deserve to be with him, or he deserves to own me and have me with him. may be he really doesnt want me anymore, and I really mean with it. I feel like shutting myself down and do not want to be in the doubt anymore. i know this is kind of negative way of thinking, but I will try my best to recover. I really hope he wont add more salt on my wound, because I scared of the pain, the scar, he should know me well, the first thing I scared the most is loneliness, the second one should be painfulness. Do I worth to be with him?? I seriously do not know.......

Complicated Emotion

2010-07-09T08:52:00.000-07:00

Its been very long time did not blogging. Every time I feel very sad and unhappy, the only thing I could think of is come here to express the feeling that I had. Friends ask me what happen and concern about me, but I just don't feel like saying it anymore because I know, once saying about it I will definitely cry. I just dont know why I cant say things that I wanna say to him and I will just standing in front of him and cry, cry, and cry. Even writing here , my tears will also start rolling down unconsciously. That feeling is so complicated and don't know how to describe, is painful, hurting, and despair, making me losing my own identity,my own direction and my own fate.

He said he deeply felt disappointed with me, for not being a good girlfriend that could always be with him. He said I cant be with him whenever he needs me, he say I am always busy with things, event event event!! He say he dont feel like knowing what I want, in other words, he doesnt want to care about me anymore(JUST DO WHAT YOU WANT- thats what he said)..............................................................................
I remember every words that he said to me and never forget about it at all. Every single words that he said is like poking my heart with needle, and later on using knife and at last sword that kills my heart.... I just feel myself being very useless, just know how to cry and being speechless there. I just feel like disappear from this real world, from the world that have him, and let me take a break from everything...I am TIRED~~ almost come to DESPAIR~~

All the words that he just throw on me making me feel disappointed deeply to him.He said I dun care about his feeling at all and just know the things that I want, not knowing what he wants. I just feel it this way, I already try my best to do what he wants, but what he wants always the wants that way high hard to achieve, even harder than striving straight As in exams. I never want him to be the ideal one that I want, but I always cant be the ideal one that he wants. I really fed up with the 'wants' ....really tired with the" wants"...I could feel that I am no longer like me anymore.. just because of the "wants"...

I am now no longer feeling like doing anything....dont feel like having friends to talk about it anymore... what I really want is to be alone. Just being alone...dont want to think of the pressure, the wants, the questions that people would ask...Please allowed me to disappear and hide a while...I really feel tired le....He is sick physically, I am worried...but I am sick in heart,who is gonna worried... who cares...thats what he think. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArghhhh!! TIRED OF CRYING!! Dont want to be this way anymore~!! but at the same time,I still dun want to give up with him. He said I am not there with him when I need him, but is he there for me when I feel alone, losing my direction, afraid and frightened, being pressured, and the moment where no one could give me a hand??? He broke the promise that he will be with me when I am sad, give me a shoulder when I feel like crying. I just broke one but he broke everything... I do always trust him..even if I said " hmmm....you must be thinking of other girls..", I still believe him that he is still always with me.. but all these not important anymore, because he wont know how I feel, NO~~!! should say he do not want to care how I feel anymore. He only think the bad about me, but never think about the good of me anymore....or may be to him, I am no longer good... I am just a useless jerk...even myself also think of my own that way... Confidence had gone very far away from me...

DESPAIR and TIRED~~~

Conflicts

2010-03-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

Is already uncountable times we had surrounding to this matter - taking the event and being busy. It is being a frustrated issue which I wish to talk to him but end up with a conversation that did not put this argument a full stop. And end up what I felt is warnings and pressure to me which I need to get all the things right. I am trying my best to do it but I realize that I am no longer being myself and started to be dependent instead independent.

Once I ask myself, am I not doing good enough or I am really that bad person that did not play my role well. Once I also think before should I give up or continue on, but with my perseverance I don't wish or even think of going to the stage of giving up. But I am afraid of being hurt again an do not want to be hunted with this kind of fear for the rest of my life, hence I always hoping not to get any wounds back from love battle, not even want to declare a "war". There is so much conflicts in it, externally and internally, which many times make me frustrated and moody. What is the best solution of all?? This is what I always think in my mind.

The day my "grandpa" told me that I will be the VOC and hearing so many seniors are going to join this big event, I am glad that I was being called up to be part of their team and thankful that they give me the chance to learn many more things and allow me to possess my potential. The first thing in my mind when I know this was, I hope that he will support me truly and tell me " Yes, you can do it and don't disappoint people who look forward to see your ability and performance." Perhaps I am just living in my own imaginary space and forgotten the promise that I had made to him. I understand he just want me to stop from being busy and spend more time with him. However, I really think that this is a golden opportunity to learn from seniors and increase my chance of holding one scholarship. Is it really hard for me to have his support instead of his anger and temper?? I am doubtful to this.

Second thing that makes me doubtful is how well he knows me. He said I have changed to be not emphasizing a lot in relationship anymore and busy with other stuff. I guess people who really know me well won't have second thought and being doubtful that why am I always busy with stuff. Is that really impossible for me to be good in all aspect and must put on one sacrifice towards one thing in order to get another??Just like I have two hands and why can’t I hold two cups which full of water with both of my hand instead of one hand(don’t forget I have two hands). Am I really that incapable to go through this challenge just because I am in a relationship?? Is that really must be that way?? I cannot make comparison between event and relationship because to me, both have their own importance which cannot put in same level of position and decide whether which is more important. What I mean I do not want to repeat my mistake is not just putting relationship in priority and ignore friendships, studies and opportunities for self-enrichment, instead of being busy all the way. I just want my life to be great and at the same time could share with him,that is the happiness of life-can share your sorrow and joy with your loved ones.

I treasure the days that spent with him from the day we start to be together, go for outing together, make me happy whenever when I am sad, accompany me when I am alone, talking in Skype, accompany me when I have test, get a cute bear bear to accompany me(>.<) , go classical concert with me(though I know he doesn't like classical music a lot-can see it from his sleepy look when attending it), bring me to eat great food, take care of me whenever I am sick and worry of me all the time. He and I cherish a lot towards our relationship. My tears start to roll whenever I felt scared that one day all these things are going to get sour and end up being bitter. I just feel like I am waiting for the day to be dumped instead of saying a stop by myself. I really do not like this kind of feeling. I can't stop my emotional feeling whenever I think of that he will make on this move.

In Facebook, I said " I can just do my best but is impossible for me to be perfect". Many good friends had put on great comments and advice to me which kind of relieved some of my emotional and complicated feelings. It really touches my heart which makes my tear pouring out again and again. I don't want to be vulnerable again, so I am telingl myself, I want to be a better person and not to forget of being myself at the same time. I know, if I really lose my relationship, I will be hurt and sad again, however, same when the "if" situation goes to the event, I will definitely regret for giving up which is just once in my lifetime. Losing relationship can kill my heart, soul, can make me betray myself by hiding my true self and feelings, losing relationship will make me finish up another box of tissue...again....

People told me this before, if a person really loves me, he will love you in the bottom of his heart and would accept who you are, give full support to you in life, and would not make you cry. I don't hope for his perfectness, but at least would be able to fulfil my little hope towards him. I don't need him to be the most intelligent person in the world, or richest guy in the world, all I just need is his commitment towards this relationship-understanding and sincerity is the key of it. That would make my life happy with a simple love from him.

"Tiamo, this is what you had taught me, I hope I could always hold on to this with you everyday. "

The Balance Point

2010-01-15T20:05:00.000-08:00

In what kind of measure only we could seek for the balance point between relationship and friendship. Is it time spending, money, sincerity, or love......or any other things?? I am struggling to get that point...I tried very hard to look for it....but all I need is just a support and time for me to get to it.

He told me that I make my event more important than him. I could understand what is his feeling for being alone when I am busy, but I just thought that may be we should have our own private time to have our own life. After so many years and gone through many things, i realize that actually being couple cannot just fully spending 24 hours time together and live in their own world, two young people should also enjoy the life that should have. May be he doesn't understand at this point, or may be I m just did it too over and really hurting him alot. Can he tell me what i don't know about his thought and not just being piss off and get mad....because it makes me wondering alot.

I thought I am doing good with it but actually I just realize that I am not. Why can't I just be perfect and make everyone happy....I really don't want to choose between friendship and relationship because they are all most important people to me...I really appreciate and cherish everything I have. In any kind of relationship, there is only one element that can strengthen two persons' relationship, that is trust. so can you trust me in anything.

I really hope that both of us can understand each other deeply. Seriously, I am ok for being alone sometimes and I just need to learn up how to be true independent individual and able to take care myself without making anyone worry. Learn from mistakes is the best way to grow up in life. And I will try my best to get the balance point that I should have.

Stay Strong

2009-12-28T07:09:00.000-08:00

It seems like I have been long time didn't access into my blog page. And why choose today....I just know that he is going to leave this country and chase for his dream...his passion... This suddenly makes me feel like a tiny little needle poking into my heart...there is a pain there...a pain that would not make me scream and cry...I do not know what kind of words should use to describe it....a silent pain perhaps....this is why I m writing here to remind me about one thing....keep the "missing him" part in the bottom of my heart and put a pause and a full stop...This is what I should do...

I admit...sometimes I will think of him a little...but not very frequent...I will just concern him as a friend....as a good friend...I am not hoping much to let him know what and how I feel...it is really not important to him anymore...and guess what..it doesn't matter to me too...I am glad that I meet someone that really appreciates me and I am doing well with it now....Thank God for letting him walk away from my life and make his dream comes true...Thanks for the one that always being my side whenever I am emotional, sad or happy....I am learning to cherish everything I have and I hope i will continue on this effort till the rest of my life.

No more missing him again....I will stay strong as I am right now...Even I fall down infinity times...I will keep my will to be tough...hope God will bless him all the time and he will be doing his best all the way to reach his life goal.... haha..of course....to other very good friends of mine who are leaving INTI, all the best to you and hope to see ya in the future....There is always a chance to meet up as long as we are still in Earth...haha....may everyone can make your own dreams come true...by the way...also thanks to him for introducing me such a good job for me...(>.<)hehe

Losing A Friend

2009-11-06T00:44:00.000-08:00

I never expect to lose a friend just in a moment ago. I never think of having something unpleasant that might happen on my friends. May be this is just fate, that make us lose him forever.

I was very excited this morning that Wei Loong called me for a movie last night. We were planning to go for a movie and had lunch together since we wanted to go out have fun together, with my sister too. As usual, I went to yoga in the morning and hoping time passes fast so that we can enjoy many great movie out there. later. At around 10.30 am, I received Wei Loong's call and he told me that our meeting need to be cancel. I was fine with that and with no doubt asking him the reason. He just said he will explain to me later. I was ok with it at that time. Then i received his call for the second time and he told me," ..XXX....got into an accident and he had passed away on the way to hospital........". I thought he must be kidding me and I stop him from continue saying. I asked again," Who had an accident?"His words made me so stunned when Wei Loong told me his name again. I was so shocked and did not know what to react. OMG!! How can this kind of thing happen to him in such a young age. I suddenly felt so emotional and I do not know what to do next. He just passed away so sudden and leaving all of us behind.

I knew him through my ex-room mate in my first semester. I still remembered the first time i went to Poppy with them and i sat his car. On the way to Poppy, we were talking crap saying that we are going to the " library" to study and do assignment. Haha(>.<) Both of us, only me and him, so happen our parents called up and checked on us. I told my parents that we are doing revision in the common room and he lied to his parents with the same way. We were laughing together so happily and had lots of fun. During the second semester, so happen my new room mate is doing the same course with him. So from my room mate, I started to know him about his homework and studies. Everytime he sees me, he will ask," When are we going to "library" again?" And I would just answer hahaha got chance de, there will be plenty of chances for us to have fun together, I wont be leaving Malaysia so soon. I would just smiling at him and answer him that way. Once again, during my first week of second semester, we met again and I was in total drunk in MOS. I was so excited and happy talking nonsense and crap with him and his other friends. One time, I met him with my room mate, because I forgot to bring my room key again at that time. He even laughed at me and said," get drunk till forget to bring key izzit? told you not to drink so much...wahhahaha....." Sometimes I do see him during my break, and I will start talking, laughing and craping with them. The last week before final, I met him again in the pool shop. He insisted want me to go out and have fun with them on the 5th of November, saying that want to celebrate his and my ex-room mates' birthday. But once again I rejected them because I am already back home till then. He even "sampat sampat" came to my side asking me abt my relationship with Adam. Oh god!!! His crap, his smile, his words and his laugh suddenly pop up in my mind. I was so pissed off for not going out with them to have fun, because Poppy that time is the first time.... and also the last time we can have fun together...... in the "library"......

I knew a little about him from his very best friend, Wei Loong. He loves his girlfriend very much and always protect her all the time. This kind of ultimate true love is hard to find and he did very well in his relatioship. He maintain it and also cherish it very much. I even know he put even more effort in studies in the recent semester since he knew very well that he didn't do well in the first semester. Such a nice and good guy, that bring laughter and happiness to all of his friends, yet God wants to take him away from his loved ones. This is really a very sad thing for us, really a very big loss to us too. He is still young, a 19 years old guy, having lots of dream, passion and life goal that have not fullfil yet. This is really a tragedy which really unexpected. I thought Wei Loong is fooling me when the time he told me about his accident, I suddenly became speechless and do not know what to do... I keep asking myself.....what can I help them....What can I do for them.....I definitely will try my best to do for it.......

His two pal was in total depress and sad...as well as madness... for losing a "brother" that had been knowing each other for more than 10 years. Although I just know him for just a couple of months, but I can say that he is really a very very good friend that really bring alot of fun and entertainment to everyone's life. Looks like I really miss the chance having the fun with him, should say I have no chance anymore. His girlfriend is still in critical condition and I really hope that his girlfriend would be fine. Hope that she can think openly and accept the fact that he had leave us. All of us, as his friends, must stay strong together and support each other. We will always remember his laughter and sprit that brought by him, making our life being so lively and colorful. Lets cherish the moment that had with him in heart and continue with life strongly. He will watch us somewhere and also hope that we can stay happy in life. Rest In Peace, My Friend........Rest in Peace.......

Relief

2009-09-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

Don't know why I just feel like writing blog now....I am starting to feel relieved.....Relieved with my everything...i started to get use to driving alone in car, instead of sitting in his car and let him bring me wherever I want....I started to get use to have lunch and dinner with my closed friends in INTI,especially with Emelia, and not having lunch with him in dining hall and dinner outside....no need to wait for him after his basketball for dinner.....I so get use to find him through sms, msn or skype, but now I won't think of looking for him anymore...I am just relieved that I can go through all my daily life by myself....life without him...is actually good!!(>.<)

May be I was a little mad when the day I knew that he may be back together with his ex, but is really a pain killer for me that really can relieve my pain from being regret for what I have done. I wish him all the best being with her and do not lose her anymore. As for me, a life being available may be good for me and I still like the freedom of it. Seeing many people beside me couple together, I am happy for them and I definitely will give all my blessing to them, and at the same time, hope that I will not give up with the true love that I always dream of. I think I should be glad to have my life full of excitement and surprise. I should be thankful to him, for waking me up to see properly everything that i should appreciate, especially FRIENDSHIP. he had made me grow even stronger and tough, seeing things in the positive sides instead of the negative.

So sorry that I was drunk that day, did and said alot of rubbish and nonsense, I didn't mean to.I promise I won't be like this again and if I drunk again, haha(>.<), I also wont say those words again. I am really happy with my life now and if possible, hope that it will sustain till the day I am going to oversea. And thanks to my friends that took care of me that day, specially thanks to Emelia for taking care of me half of the night, Kevin, Peach, Lauren, Charissa and her boyfriend, Kamien(although you also drunk with me), Kit Hao(haha sorry for making you didn't enjoy that night), Adam, and others...I don't want to be like that night again, and I believe I can do it.

Prospective Angles

2009-08-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

I see his facebook, and I almost started to cry...haha but I manage to get hold of it....Hope that everything will be fine.....I was talking to a friend about how guys and girls think.....I guess when he see this post he will be smiling(>.<) Yea...guys and girls think in different way...especially seeing in love...I can say most of the girls are emotional when facing love problem, including me....and guys seem to look more calm and wont show out their true feeling.....haha....i guess i get my friend's advice. Stop being emo and see things in different perspective...different angle....yea...I always trying to do that....I always learning that.....I know there are much more thing which are more fantastic and lovely in the world and LOVE is not only the one....I have to learn up and able to go through this because this is part of my life...I should see things in different angle and realise that there are much more other thing for me to experience and enjoy it....

I will try my best to pull off from this emo feeling and continue to be myself....I shouldnt be afraid of falling down because I believe that I can stand up again....I should see the positive perspective of it rather than seeing the bad side of it....so i will continue with my life and have the strength and passion to carry on with my life....thanks to all my friends that making me open my eyes to see how wonderful the world is...how wonderful my life is...Because of you all.. my friends, I realise how fortunate I am and I am not alone.....Thank you to all of you for being such good friends. I really don't know how to express my gratitude with nice words but what i can do is by saying thank you....

There is an important element we have in life is trust, I trust my friends, my family, everyone that I know and him. Trust is very crucial between friends and family that strenghten our relationship. One thing i just realise that I still believe him. I understand him a little somehow in these few months,I still think that he is not a bad person like what I think before and I have faith in him. I believe that he is really not ready for it and I know he is not that kind of person. So I will face him with the courage I have, I wont avoid him because avoiding will not help both of us and solve the problem either. I will still waiting for his answer no matter what and I will accept it calmly(haha may be emo a while then should be fine, like I say, girls are always emotional). Treasure every part of life and make life meaningful.....That is my goal in life and also a promise to myself......(>.<)

Sweet Moments

2009-08-14T06:51:00.001-07:00

I guess this is where we start...... photo shooting.....

The pose that we think together during training

The role play that we choose together (doctor & nurse)

The moment of Can I have This Dance

The day we went to LCCT together

The CMA Night that we took this picture together

All these memories will always be cherished in my heart, my soul, and my mind.....(weeping again)

Crying In Heart

2009-08-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

Why can't I stop thinking about him... Why each and every piece of memories with him keep appearing in my mind, even when I sleep. The more I tell myself not to think about him, the more i want to think and see him. Why is this so torturing? Even how deep my love towards him and how much care I can give him, he may not come back to me.

Everytime when i wake up from my sleep, I feel like we had just end yesterday. I feel like orientation night just over not long ago. The sweet memories had became sour, and thinking of that I will start crying, asking why. That past few days many good friends of mine comfort me through phone, sms, msn and blog, I really touched by their words and their comfort. They are like telling me that I am not alone and I still have them. My tears can't stop crying out whenever I see what they wrote to me. Thank all of you that willing to be my listener, give me comfort and being caring to me. I seriously don't know what to say or do to show my gratitude and I am just feel thankful to have all of you. May be I couldnt promise so fast that I will be ok for these few weeks, but one thing I can promise is I will take care of myself and continue with my life. I won't be giving up in everthing because it will be silly to do that.

Haitz... I still have alot of doubts and I don't know whether I still have the courage to ask him face to face.Where is he now? What is he doing? Is he alright with his exams? Is he really fully recover from his fever? Does he feel cold for these few nights because is always rain outside and the weather is cold? How is he doing? This is what I kept on concerning about him. I try to make myself busy with other things but somehow I will still think about him. Whenever outside is raining heavily, I will be very moody, is like god is crying for me, pitying meand I also feel myself that same way(pitiful)...Everytime wake up from sleep, I will be very emotional and start to cry. I don't want to have this kind of life anymore and really don't know when can this kind of feelings end. I am really a big loser that lost many things, lost my trust, love, and also myself.....

I always ask.....Where he had gone to ? where is the "him" that I know? He had disappear izzit?? Why is he disappearing in a sudden? Where is the" him" that always get me Guai Wei Guo from Wong Kok?? Where is the"him" that always lend me a shoulder when I am sleepy and sad??Where is the"him" that will say "sayang" me when I am stressed up and moody?? Where is the "him" that always tease me and make fun of me?? Where is the"him" that says enjoy to dance waltz with me?? When is the"him" that will wake me up in the morning to make sure that I had woke up?? Where is the "him" that will buy me supper when I am hungry at night?? WHERE IS HE NOW?? I really miss him alot until I can't stop thinking about him. I was thinking, he make this decision may be because he has some difficulties which he couldnt tell me, or he really mean it and really wanna end it. I guess I am helping him to get excuses for himself. Why I have to think so much, no!! Is thinking too much for him as he may not know how am I right now, he may not even bother to know too...

I guess I am still waiting for him and putting hope on him, hope that we can still be together. I can't do anything accept waiting for him and his answer. I have no idea how are we going to be later in future and whether I still can have the courage to see him. I really scared that I will cry in front of him when seeing him, thats make me vulnerable like an ant which can be killed by human being in anytime. My heart now thirst for blood because it can't stop from bleeding. What else I can do besides waiting, hoping and crying in heart...??

Love Game

2009-08-10T10:18:00.000-07:00

I always think that love is something very powerful which really affects people a lot, I can assure this now. When is lovely and still passionate, it is the sweetest moment of all; but when things going on and the love has become empty love, it means nothing anymore and is painful and suffering after all.

I have just been through a romantic love and I thought I have just found the right guy, the Mr.Right I always dream of. I thought we can sustain our relationship for quite a long while, I thought we will be ok no matter what, I thought........I have too much assumption in love and he had proved me wrong in my assumption. The day he said this to me, he is not ready for another relationship. I was upset with myself how foolish I am. I am the foolish girl that always have the naive thought, the one that always think things simple. I want to know a lot of things, why he suddenly feels that way....why he suddenly have this kind of thinking...didnt he love me before.......or I have become a substitute of another person to him...How can he do this kind of thing....Is he making this love as a game to play.... the more I think... the more frustrated I am, the more hurt I am.

Is already a long time I am seeking the true love that I always want and I thought I found it this time, a person that could accept me of who I am, could always make me feel secured and not lonely, will always support me no matter what.... eventually, he had disappointed me... I thought I am a tough person, I can go through all the obstacle throughout my life, but one thing that makes me vulnerable is love.... I really a failure in love, is always a failure...

I think this time my wound is deeper, and I don't know when I will fully recover... But I will still live for myself... Because I still have somethings that is equal important with love, that is friendship. They have supported me a lot throughout my life and I won't forget about them. Although some of them are in oversea, yet we will still keep in touch somehow. Don't worry, be happy.... I will always remind myself of that. If I say I hate him a lot now, is a bull shit, because I will still love him. To me, love is something that cannot easily be forgotten, love is not a game. So give me some time to heal my wound. I wanna stop crying and continue with my life >.<

My Dream

2009-07-03T03:09:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a dream, and everyone wishes to fulfill his or her dream. I always have an aspiration to become a successful biomedical engineer, but I am already far away to achieve my dream. I have chosen to study actuarial science and my dream now is to be successful in actuarial science field.

I remembered that I come out with a question on the Orientation Night for the Question and Answer session and so happen my partner chose that question. My question was “if you are given a chance to change something in this world, what would it be?” My partner told me that this question is hard and he couldn’t answer it well. Is this question really that hard? To me, I think is not difficult to answer if you have a dream and aspiration in heart.
Before I choose to come here and study actuarial science, I was aspired to study biomedical engineer. This because I want to improve the technology in biomedical science, bring up more advanced equipment and instrument in medical field so that more diseases can be cured. I want to help the disabled people to have the chance to live like normal people, make them having hope and aspiration to live happily in this world. Although I can’t cure people with medicine like doctors do, but at least, inventing equipment and instrument that used in biomedical field can also help many sick people from suffering pain. I want to relieve the pain of those cancer patients as I know they go through chemotherapy and radiotherapy which are very painful processes to them.

One of my mom’s friend, her daughter suffered from stomach cancer and she eventually passed away. I heard from my mom that she sick until she had lost a lot of weight and she couldn’t eat anything because she doesn’t feel like eating anymore. Every day she needs to take moffin to relieve her pain and often visit the hospital to be treated with chemotherapy. She sees herself drop a lot of hair and her skin also started to change to blue color, because her red blood cells started to decrease in number. Her mother was very heart sick seeing her daughter in suffer but couldn’t help her accept taking care of her. I can’t imagine how painful she was but I felt pity for her as she had suffered so much. She doesn’t deserve to have all this pain as she is still so young(Form 3) and she haven’t truly enjoy enough of her adolescent life, in other words, she is too young to die. From this, I was aspired to help these unfortunate people to get rid of their pain and fight against their illness together by giving them support and hope of life.

Besides being biomedical engineer, I also wanted learn up some business skill. I have the passion to know about the biomedical market so that I could bring the lowest cost of treatment and medication in biomedical field. I want everyone, the poor and the rich, have the equal chance to be treated when they are sick. Treatment and medication should be charged at an affordable price so that everyone can afford to be treated. Helping the poor is necessary as most of them couldn’t afford to pay up expensive medical fee nowadays. I want to change the perspective of this world towards the poor, telling them that the poor people should also have the equal rights to live in this world, they shouldn’t be discriminated and this kind of discrimination should be stoped. The poor also deserve to be treated when they are sick, giving them the perseverance to live happily in this beautiful world.

This is always my big dream. Till now, I also won’t change my dream. Although what I study now is really very far from what my dream is, but I won’t stop dreaming of making this world even better with the knowledge that I learned now and also in the future. I will keep on having my dream no matter what and ensure myself having a goal to achieve in life. I want to achieve my dreams as one of my most wonderful part of my life.

Back To Normal Life

2009-07-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

One week had passed after the Orientation Night, and I have starting to tune back to my ordinary life. Long times never attend training, so I feel like kind of missing it. I do not know whether a good thing that our training had ended. However without the training session, I have to think and plan of something to do during my evening time. I used to have my dinner at dining hall, now I can enjoy back the food outside INTI University College.

One thing good about not having training is I can enjoy back the food outside INTI University College. Before that when I still have training, I can only have my dinner at dining hall as going outside to eat consumes a lot of time. We cannot be late to training, if not our punishment is “on the wall” for even longer period of time (we tried before being “on the wall” for more than half an hour, no kidding!!)

The days without training had begun, so I have more time to finish up my homework and assignment. Moreover, I have more time to study. This is also a good thing for me. Every evening, I will be serving the internet and look for information to do my assignments. Either that, I will be seeing the online news. One bad news for me is I can only start my yoga class two weeks later because they count the fee monthly, so is better for me to follow their class monthly.

Many of my friends ask me, does the title of “Miss INTI” changes my life in college? The answer is no. (haha>.<) I don’t think it changes my life because I am just an ordinary student like other people in college, everyday walk to class, go out for lunch and dinner with friends and do homework. This is my normal life and I am quite happy to have my normal life back again. Being Miss INTI is nice, but being myself makes my life even happier. ~Welcome Back To My Life ~

Miss Training A Lot

2009-06-28T06:00:00.001-07:00

When I woke up in Thursday morning, I felt like I just had a very nice and sweet dream last night. I felt like do not want to wake up and continue to stay in this dream. I started to miss training and my other friends. We used to have dinner together at around 6.30 p.m. and then walk to sports hall to train. We started with “on the wall” and we will count together from 1 to 60. We always sit together, tell jokes, act funny and sometimes sing together. All this moment can only be the past of our life. I really miss them a lot. I guess everyone feel the same way like how I feel now, miss our days being together, one for all and all for one.

After the Orientation Night, I have to think of what to do during my evening time, because before that our time was always packed with training and nothing else. I will be more focus on my studies since I had lots of assignment that have not done yet, including this blog (so sorry, Miss Hati!! No more late assignment from me anymore). I have to come back to my usual life yet I won’t forget all my friends in Social Board, we can still come out, have dinner, and chitchat together. I will start to play some sports game because since I came here, I was busy in training and had no time to play sports. Moreover, I will also continue back with my yoga and start to attend yoga classes every Tuesday evening.

I think this is the time I have to put down my emotion and feelings on the training and orientation night. Let it become the best part of my life and continue with our life with everlasting friendship that all of us created. ~LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS~

A Memorable Night

2009-06-28T05:56:00.001-07:00

Miss and Mr. INTI, Finalist, and the judges

All Miss INTIs and Mr. INTIs, Social Board Members

It was really an unbelievable night. I really won the title of “Miss INTI” on the Orientation Night. I seriously couldn’t believe that I am the winner of the competition. I was so shocked and surprised for the result. This is really the most memorable thing for me, everything that happen from the beginning of our training till that night is unforgettable and I really treasure the happy moment that we had together in my bottom of my heart.

On Wednesday, we had to prepare our stuff needed for the orientation night at the back stage before 12 p.m. and we went to the hair salon to get our hairstyle done. After that, Stanley and his partner helped us to make up for everyone including the male participants. I was very excited for the day as this is my first time getting to dress up beautifully. But at the same time, I was also nervous about my talent and my performance for the whole Orientation Night. Everyone was busy practicing their talent and cat walk while waiting for make up to be done. I prayed so hard by heart, hoping that everything will be going on smoothly and I won’t do any mistakes during the show.

At 7.30 sharp, the Orientation Night had begun and I could feel my hand and leg started to frozen and goes numb. All of us were so nervous until could feel our heart beat is increasing drastically. We wished each other good luck right before the stage curtain opened and suddenly lots of spotlight shined on us. Our preview was then started and everyone was prepared to present in front of the judges and audience. I was so unfortunate that I accidentally fell from the platform while I wanted to prepare myself to go on the runway, that was so embarrassing (in Hokkien we say “paiseh”). Wow!!! I did not know whether the audience or the judges noticed about that but I just kept on with my cat walk without letting people to notice about that mishap.(Paisehnya....) The committees that were working at the back stage knew what happened and they quickly consoled me in no time. At the same time, the other participants also quite concerned about my injury. They are super duper kind people and I am really touched by their comfort and concern. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

After the preview, we had our beach wear part and everyone was enjoyed with the whole atmosphere of the show. Then the most interesting part that everyone is waiting for was our role play. I acted as a nurse and my partner was a doctor. What I remembered was when I stepped out to the stage, the crowd started to burst into cheers. Haha(>.<) I think everyone really likes to see nurse and doctor on stage. After this, my worry had started to come because the next part of the show was performing each and everyone’s talent. That had been make me worried for many days. Luckily, I did not forget what I told myself and what my partner always advised me, just stay calm and be yourself on stage, follow your feelings and dance. I finally got through my talent, although was not the best, but I had did my best. Next is our waltz time and this is the part I enjoyed the most. Hearing the song “Can I have This Dance” and every couple started to dance gracefully. This is really a lovely moment that can be seen live on stage and I believed that everyone really enjoyed it. I think this is like my “last waltz” because I do not know whether I have the chance to dance that anymore in future, so I really enjoyed every single step of dance I made on stage.

At last, the judgement time had come and judges had picked the best 6 among us to become the finalists. The finalists will then enter to the last part of the show, which is the Question & Answer session. This was also one of the things I anxious about before the Orientation Night. I was chosen to be one of the finalists and I was very happy about it. This was the question that I picked, “What is the most memorable moment you had along your whole training?” And I gave two answers, one thing that makes me memorable is every time when we are “on the wall” during our training. “On the wall” is actually our warm up before we do our cat walk. I think that after the competition, we will no longer have this kind of opportunity to be “on the wall” together. So every time we are “on the wall”, although is tough, but I enjoyed it doing together with the others. The second memorable thing is learning waltz. I love the waltz very much because I love to see the feel and chemistry between Troy and Gabriella, so in frankly speaking, I expressed all my feelings and my thoughts about our waltz on the stage that night. That was so amazing and I couldn’t believe that I have the courage to talk about it on stage.

At around 12 midnight was the time results would be announced. Everyone was so nervous and eager to know the final result. When the host announced that I was the winner, I was stunned and did not know what to react. I was crowned by the previous Miss INTI as Miss INTI May 2009 and I seriously had a shock, I just kept on smiling and saying thank you to people. Many people came to congratulate me and took picture with me.

This is really something out of my expectation and also the best day I ever had in my life. I was tremendously happy and finally I got to experience the real happiness that I always desired. Thank you to everyone that support me, concern about me, and help me along the way. This is the fate that letting me to meet so many wonderful people and I won’t forget everyone of you, the Orientation Night and everything. I wish that the happiest moment I had can come to a stop and let me have the chance to enjoy it even longer. BRAVO!!!!Thanks to everyone and their efforts in this Orientation Night. Let this happy moment to be everlasting forever.

Day Before Orientation Night

2009-06-28T05:52:00.000-07:00

I was very stressed because I have a lot of things to worry. The first thing I was very worried about was my Calculus 3 Test 1 exam. On Monday that night, we had our training until almost 3 in the morning. I was very exhausted and at the same time feeling pressured with my exam and the Orientation Night. I couldn’t stop thinking about my exam because I have not well-prepared for my exam. Finally, I decided to tell my lecturer about my problem and pressure. I felt very lucky to have him as he is really a very understanding person. He knows about my situation, and although he couldn’t allowed me to do a make-up test for this Test 1, but he is willing to give me the chance to score the Test 1 mark in my Test 2, so which means my Test 2 contains 40 marks now. I owe him a great debt of gratitude for his understanding and kindness to me and this seriously make me feel a little relieved. I promise myself to study even harder after the Orientation Night and I do not want to disappoint anyone especially my lecturer.

The second worry was my talent. From the weekend till Tuesday, I had no time to practice my talent. I was so stressed up because I was not confident with the dance that I had choreographed. I had only spent 2 hours to choreograph on Sunday. I was so worried about my talent as I was still not so familiar with all the steps and had not reviewed my performance yet. I just tell myself, what I can do is when performing my talent, I have to stay calm and just follow my “feeling” to dance.

My last worry was about the Question & Answer session on the Orientation Night. I have some kind of phobia speaking in front of many people, especially on stage. This Question & Answer will conducted by the host of the night and the 6 finalist will be chosen to get into this session. They have to pick randomly a question to answer, so this is like an impromptu way of asking, participants must answer it spontaneously. I am really not confident with my speaking because I reckon that my command in English is not good enough and when I am nervous, I will tend to mumble my words and can’t speak fluently. I started to feel tension whenever they mentioned about the Question & Answer session. But of course, this is not only my worry, my other friends that involved in this also felt pressure about it.

The night before Orientation Night, we had a full rehearsal for the whole show. Everyone was quite nervous because we had less than 24 hours left before the actual “judgement night”. One more surprise on that Tuesday night was the founder of the Social Board, Mr. Stanley ,had came to see how is our progress going on during rehearsal. I think he is an amazing guy and full with creativity and innovative because he taught us many things to make our performance more outstanding. The funniest part was he changed all the male participants’ clothing image for our preview part. Before he came to make changes, everyone was dressed in formal way and the male participants wore smartly like successful personage. However after his consultation on the guys’ clothing, they had became Taiwanese gangsters. Haha(>.<) But after changing it, it really fulfilled our Orientation Night theme “ Frenzy of Fabulosity “. We possessed ourselves with different style and feelings on that night. That is really cool!!! We had ended our rehearsal at around 5 in the morning and I started to feel drowsy and blur. In no time, I immediately went to bed and slept soundly, hoping that I Orientation Night can be done successfully.

Grooming

2009-06-16T23:52:00.000-07:00

Grooming is an unnecessity to me. However, after I had been one of the contestant in the Miss INTI and Mr INTI competition, I had to start to learn how to make up and wear beautiful dresses. May be most of the people think that girls should know about grooming, yet to date I still do not know how to make up by myself. I just like to keep myself simple.

I remembered the photo shooting that Social Board had during our training camp, all girl participants had to have light make up. I bet I am the only one that doesn't know how to make up and my other friends that help me to do it. Wow!!! That is my second time getting make up on my face. I don't even have a mascara or lip gloss and I have to borrow from the others.

Don't know why I just don't like any cosmetics lay on my face. Girls usually make up is to make themselves prettier, but to me, putting cosmetics is covering a person's natural beauty. I do not like to cover myself with chemicals and I prefer to let people see my true self. So normally i will just wear simple clothings except for special occasion( going to a ball or prom night). But now, after I started my college, I will have to start learning about grooming, especially for the competition.

This evening I will be attending a grooming workshop organised by Social Board. Hopefully I will be able to learn how to grooming and don't rely so much on people to help me to make up. Haha(@.@) Wish me good luck in learning grooming.

link: http://www.makeuptip.com/

Memory

2009-06-11T19:49:00.000-07:00

Since I came to INTI, I always think back the days when I studied Form 6. The fun, happiness and sweet memories that my classmates and I had were unforgettable. Whenever I see the pictures that we took during Form 6, I really hope that the time can slow down till a stop. I really miss them a lot.

During our Lower 6, the most memorable thing to me is we went to Taman Negara during the long-term school holiday. Haha(@@) We had a lot of fun in exploring the jungle and playing poker cards till midnight. We also had water war while travelling through one of the Taman Negara river(forgot what its name) and created tons of rubbish floating on the water surface(hehe we lost many belongings such as pails and slipper during the battle). We almost made the boat that we board sink....(>.<) without cautious about danger. Because biology students have insect preservation project to do, so we caught many insects like praying mantis, locus, butterfly, and leave praying mantis back to KL. At midnight 2 a.m., we sat near the river bank playing poker card there. We also enjoyed the stars there, it was a nice and memorable night. Since that, I started to feel like all of the U6S member are no longer just friends, we had became closed friends.

When came to Upper 6, all of us were starting to be even busy with our own studies and also club and society. The committee of S&M had a tough time in Science and Mathematics(S&M) Society. However, with the support of my other Form 6 friends, we were able to go through all the difficulties. What I enjoyed the most during my days in S&M is everytime we finished our meeting, we will walk together to Kanna(mamak shop) near by my school and had lunch there. I always stay back in school till 4 sometimes and the latest till 6.30p.m. (because got to pick up my brother after school). I will stay in school to do my homework and discuss with my friends about our school homework and tuition homework (especially Maths and Chemistry-because most of us attend the same tuition classes). After the STPM examination ended, we had another trip to Ipoh and Cameron Highland. We once again challenged ourselves and went to explore Gua Tempurung. This was really an extremely dangerous adventure because we need to climb through slippery rocks in the cave. I got injured while climbing the rocks and left scars on my leg. So everytime I see the scars, it reminds me how we gone through our extreme adventure in the cave. The next day we went trekking in Cameron Highland. It was a long and tiring journey to reach to our destination that we planned earlier. That was amazing because we had trekked for more than 7hours on that day. We were so exhausted when we reach to our hotel apartment. At night, we enjoyed steamboat as our dinner and it was so nice that we managed to have hot stuff to eat while the weather there was so cold. We also went to a night market and shop for souvenier. After this, we had bonding session and we had come out with brotherhood and sisterhood between us.(>.<) It was something like truth or dare game, so we shared many of our secrets that night.

sisterhood and brotherhood

I really miss them a lot and hope that i can get back to that period of time. I will treasure all the memories that we had together and always remember it by heart. Thank you so much to U6S, my true friends, I trully hope that no matter where we are , we always keep on with our U6S ~FriEnDs FoReVeR~spirit. Hope for everlasting frienship and wish that all of you guys have great days everyday.

link: http://100-poems.com/poems/friendship/0222001.htm

Trying To Smile

2009-06-10T01:16:00.000-07:00

Everytime in cat walk practice, the trainees want us to smile while doing it. during the training often hear people shouting," Adeline, please smile ," Everytime I hear this, I will start getting upset and moody, just don't know why this kind of feeling will suddenly pop out. Even me myself also do not know why I can't smile. Is it because I never enjoy happiness before, or I am just hate to smile? Haha(>.<) weird right ?? I admit that I am weird.

Actually I am also in the process of discovering myself more deeply and want to know why I am always not smiling. Seeking for real happiness that can last my smile forever is really a great challenge for me . I really can't think of anything happy to me when I am practicing cat walk. I don't really like to force myself to smile but I have to during the training. Everytime I smile, I can feel like my face goes stiff and numb. haha(@.@) The smile is a desperate one. Like normal days in school, I don't smile a lot tooo because I am always blur and don't know what am I doing, in another words, blur case.(@.@) I can't smile also recently because I have lots of things to think and worry. I am now pretty stress out and I think I will be going through the "stress" crisis again(Happen one time during my STPM exam).

Who can teach me how to smile nicer and don't feel so suffering when doing the smiling thing?? I really need help and hopefully I can find the everlasting of happiness that I always hope for.....Please make my wish come true(^.^)

link: http://www.wikihow.com/Smile

The Challenges....

2009-06-04T20:06:00.000-07:00

The biggest challenge I am facing now is how am I going to manage my time properly with my studies, and also at the same time maintain good performance in the Mr. INTI and Ms. INTI competition . I am starting to feel the pressure that I will be facing even more things in both of my studies and competition and I must maintain them equally. This is really a very tough way to go and I also have think of some solution to face this challenge.

Here is my planning goes, during daytime I will study and do homework to let me keep track of my study progress. Then during weekends, I will definitely make myself study even harder so that i can face the coming exam during week 7, which is one week before the orientation night is carry out. Because in the evening I will have training, hence I will make full use of my time attend training and at the same time think of my talent that I will perform on the orientation night.(Cannot reveal ooo what I am going to perform).

Hopefully I can cope up my studies and do well in the competition. This is my promise towards myself and I will do my best in everthing, maenwhile manage my stress properly(I don't want to be so so so stress like during my STPM anymore).

link: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/stress_management_relief_coping.htm

"Tough" Training Camp

2009-06-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, Social Board organised a training camp for the participants of the Miss INTI and Mr INTI competition. Haha(>.<) Hearing the word 'training camp', sounds like very tough and stressful...Actually i got lots of fun during the training camp. Although is tiring, but the process is very fun. The happiness that we had really can't be described by words, and I trully enjoyed the days with all of my friends in the camp(including the committees in charge of the competition). The first Friday night, we only practised our waltz, which the best part I like the most during the training. my partner and I finally learned up all the steps. And because both of us are the first couple finished learning the steps, we were like teachers who were teaching the others how to dance.(haha, ours dance still ok ok lar, still can teach other people:p) In short period of time, most of us managed to learn all the steps, except for one couple(cannot be revealed). The guy was quite lost when he learned the steps and he was like starting to lose confidence in this competiton. He had thought before of quiting this but eventually he did not do that. Thank god we managed to get him back to our team and now all of us are like very very very close friends. So that night we slept at around 3 a.m. .Aiyo!!!!That night whole night also couldn't sleep. Our accomadation was in a room near the SAO(Student Affair Office) and the main problem there was it DOESN'T HAVE MATRESS THERE!!!Oh god we slept on the mat and was like no difference sleeping on the floor. But luckily the girls' room got air-cond. In the morning at 6 a.m., all of us woke up and went for jogging. (hehe, you can see many "panda bears" running along the road near INTI). After having breakfast, we went to Midvalley to buy the necessary things needed for photo shooting. Haitz....I spend a lot and I need to save up my money in the future.....However I managed to buy the suitable attire for the photo shooting, so worth it lar.....(think positively>.<) After lunch, we immediately rushed back to Nilai.Thanks to two of our "driver"[including my partner], hehe the others were sleeping in the car because we were so tired. In the evening, we started our photo shooting with beach wear at the swimming pool. Haha(>.<) all of us get to learn how to post and be a real model(Hooray!!!). During night time, we had team building and we get to play a lot of funny and enjoyable games. After midnight, we went for supper and came back. I thought that night we could get a good rest, but yet all of us were playing "truth or dare" the whole night. Haha!!! Alot of crazy stuff happened when we were playing the game( is a secret>.<) All of us slept at 4 in the morning. That morning, the air-cond was so cold and two of my friends and I couldn't stand the cold, so end up sleeping outside of the SAO. Haha~~seriously this is a rare opportunity to sleep outside of SAO. In the Sunday morning, all of us couldn't wake up on time to go for a jog. So in no time we quickly prepared for the next photo shooting. Next, we have to do a cheerful post and emo post. Again we did it fast and we managed to finish up in time. By that time was afternoon , everyone of us is tired and we took a short nap in the afternoon. Till the last session of this training camp, we had a couple match to play to determine which couple could choose their costume first. My partner and I did not do very badly, so we were quite satisfied with our result. Through this camp, I get to know the other participants more and also the people in charge of the competition. I can say that currently we are very close to each other and I hope that this kind of solid friendship will last forever and not just stop there after the orientation night. I really enjoyed being part of the competition although the training was tough(>.<), and I think I have already reach to my main objective for joining this competition, which is enjoy the process and get true friends(Winning the title"Miss INTI" is not important,friendship is invaluable). I love all of you and also wishing all the best to all of you guys in the competition. ~ LETS GAMBATEH TOGETHER~

Can I Have This Dance

2009-05-28T19:46:00.000-07:00

This title sounds familiar right? "Take my hand, take a breath, hold me close, and take one step......." Remember?? This is the part of the High School Musical 3 Movie which Gabriella and Troy dance together in the rain. Seeing this scene can feel the chemical of love between them while they are dancing and the romantic atmosphere along the waltz dance. Yesterday night, which is a Thursday, I got the chance to learn this waltz dance, I were so happy and very eager to learn it.

Thanks to the Miss INTI and Mr INTI competition, I get to learn the steps how to dance waltz. Yesterday was just the beginning of the dance we learned. I got a great partner and he is really a funny guy. Haha!! Although sometimes both of us would make mistakes, however I really believe that practice makes perfect. I had been learning dancing for more than 10 years and I know that to perform a perfect dance, you must have strong determination and also hardworking to practise. See the mistakes from the mirror when you dance and learn from the mistakes.

OK OK!! enough for the the dancing theory thing...I really enjoyed the dance with my partner and also hope to find a Mr. Right to dance with me the perfect waltz just like in the movie. Hehe^^My mind always full of fantasy and hope to feel the romance in love. Express a true love in a dance is really a hard task, so i want to take the challenge and make it as the greatest thing in my life. So wish me all the best and I will definitely do my best to dance a graceful and perfect waltz . (and one more thing, yesterday my leg don't need to suffer for high heels, because girls were dancing without high heels>.<)

Check out for the High School Musical 3 Video, link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNSEh6qWSk8

My First Time........

2009-05-27T20:26:00.000-07:00

Another tough practice at yesterday night. My leg was in pain and my toes were numb along the whole silent night. Wow!!!I seriously don't know whether my leg can take for this suffering training in this one month time anymore. I could feel like my toes' receptors were dying off and I were like starting to lose my disabilty to "feel" the floor with my bare feet.After training, I walked back to my room and starting to think how to relieve my leg pain.

I tried many ways to make my leg more relieved, for instance, massaging my leg with counterpain and immersing my feet in warm water. However, none of the ways that could help to make my leg more comfortable. Haitz!!!! I had no choice and just ignored the pain for the whole night. At this moment of time, besides feeling painful and tired, i also felt lonely and helpness (At that time, my room mate went for supper, so I was in my room alone). I couldn't sleep because my leg was tremendously numb!!!!!. So I signed in to my msn and looked for friends to chat. I was chatting with one good friend of mine and complaining to him how painful my leg is right now. He then immediately rushed to my block and called me out and said," Adeline, let me help you!" Wow!! At that moment, I felt that he is like my angel that come to save my leg. With no doubt, I went out and meet him outside the block.

When me met up, he offered me free foot reflexolgy. Haha!!! This is really my FIRST TIME getting leg massage from a guy. While he was massaging my feet and my toes, we talked many things about ourselves. We shared our own experience in high school and family stories. I could feel my silent night had changed to a very sweet night. I was happy because i am no longer lonely and helpless. When he was massaging, my leg went numb and cramp alternately, and in no time he just kept on massaging my leg and hopefully i will feel better. We accompanied each other for the whole night and just chatting and massaging. We also enjoyed the rain at night together and that is really a wonderful moment to have a true friend to be beside of you enjoying this breathtaking raining scenery. We was chatting the whole night until 4 in the morning. Then we decided to go back to our own room and have rest.(This is really my FIRST TIME being accompanied by a guy for a whole night)

I really do not know how to express my gratitude to him except by saying thank you to him. He is really a wonderful person and I am happy to know him when the first time I came to INTI( Seriously, He is the first person I know in INTI(^.^))

First Lesson For Miss INTIs

2009-05-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

The practice on Thursday night(21/5/2009) was so tiring and my legs were very numb for the whole night. Wearing high heels for 4 hours really "kills" my legs!!! I never been through this kind of tough training anymore ever since the last time I choreographed a ballet performance for my school event during my Form 5. This training reminded me the days how my other two ballet partners and I were trained to perform the best. We were trained from day to night everyday for about 2 weeks and that was really extremely tough process. All of us had injured our legs numerous times and yet we never give up with it. Everyday we think of new steps and keep on practise it to make it perfect. Every night I could feel my whole body aching and I couldn't do anything to relieve the pain except getting a good rest and being prepared for tomorrow's training. What I remembered the most during my training was the day before the actual day of the school event, a sharp, tiny little piece of wood which looks like a needle that has approximately 1 cm poked into the bottom of my foot. I went to the PBSM room for more than an hour just to take out the wood piece from my foot and my leg was in pain. However, luckily that was just a small injury and I still managed to perform well on the next day.

Ok, enough for the past story and come back to the training session. We were required to wear a more than 3.5 inches high heels for our training. ( I never wear that high before, this is CRAZY :-( ) Our first lesson was teaching us how to cat walk. Before the practice started, we had to warm up and just the warm up also could make people starting to feel tired. To do a professional cat walk really requires alot of skills and techniques,but the most integral element in it is confidence(This is what I observed). There were 6 females for the Miss INTI Mr INTI finale, including me, I could see the girls felt aching and tired. Everytime I felt the pain, I would started to think ,why do girls must wear high heels and guys don't need to??? Is it just want girls to look more elegant?In my point of view, a girl with full confidence of herself is sufficient to make her look elegant!!! Until the next morning when I woke up, I could still feel the pain from yesterday. Hopefully this week I am already been prepared since I have three days of rest. Hope to see a better "me" this week.~GAMBATEH~

link: http://www.wikihow.com/Walk-Like-a-Catwalk-Model

Say hello To My new blog !!!!

2009-05-21T01:52:00.000-07:00

It is so weird that I am starting to blog...I always thought that I have no time for it<@.@>. This is my first blog i have, and i will make it as part of my life. CHECK IT OUT !!!