In what kind of measure only we could seek for the balance point between relationship and friendship. Is it time spending, money, sincerity, or love......or any other things?? I am struggling to get that point...I tried very hard to look for it....but all I need is just a support and time for me to get to it.
He told me that I make my event more important than him. I could understand what is his feeling for being alone when I am busy, but I just thought that may be we should have our own private time to have our own life. After so many years and gone through many things, i realize that actually being couple cannot just fully spending 24 hours time together and live in their own world, two young people should also enjoy the life that should have. May be he doesn't understand at this point, or may be I m just did it too over and really hurting him alot. Can he tell me what i don't know about his thought and not just being piss off and get mad....because it makes me wondering alot.
I thought I am doing good with it but actually I just realize that I am not. Why can't I just be perfect and make everyone happy....I really don't want to choose between friendship and relationship because they are all most important people to me...I really appreciate and cherish everything I have. In any kind of relationship, there is only one element that can strengthen two persons' relationship, that is trust. so can you trust me in anything.
I really hope that both of us can understand each other deeply. Seriously, I am ok for being alone sometimes and I just need to learn up how to be true independent individual and able to take care myself without making anyone worry. Learn from mistakes is the best way to grow up in life. And I will try my best to get the balance point that I should have.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Stay Strong
It seems like I have been long time didn't access into my blog page. And why choose today....I just know that he is going to leave this country and chase for his dream...his passion... This suddenly makes me feel like a tiny little needle poking into my heart...there is a pain there...a pain that would not make me scream and cry...I do not know what kind of words should use to describe it....a silent pain perhaps....this is why I m writing here to remind me about one thing....keep the "missing him" part in the bottom of my heart and put a pause and a full stop...This is what I should do...
I admit...sometimes I will think of him a little...but not very frequent...I will just concern him as a friend....as a good friend...I am not hoping much to let him know what and how I feel...it is really not important to him anymore...and guess what..it doesn't matter to me too...I am glad that I meet someone that really appreciates me and I am doing well with it now....Thank God for letting him walk away from my life and make his dream comes true...Thanks for the one that always being my side whenever I am emotional, sad or happy....I am learning to cherish everything I have and I hope i will continue on this effort till the rest of my life.
No more missing him again....I will stay strong as I am right now...Even I fall down infinity times...I will keep my will to be tough...hope God will bless him all the time and he will be doing his best all the way to reach his life goal.... haha..of course....to other very good friends of mine who are leaving INTI, all the best to you and hope to see ya in the future....There is always a chance to meet up as long as we are still in Earth...haha....may everyone can make your own dreams come true...by the way...also thanks to him for introducing me such a good job for me...(>.<)hehe
I admit...sometimes I will think of him a little...but not very frequent...I will just concern him as a friend....as a good friend...I am not hoping much to let him know what and how I feel...it is really not important to him anymore...and guess what..it doesn't matter to me too...I am glad that I meet someone that really appreciates me and I am doing well with it now....Thank God for letting him walk away from my life and make his dream comes true...Thanks for the one that always being my side whenever I am emotional, sad or happy....I am learning to cherish everything I have and I hope i will continue on this effort till the rest of my life.
No more missing him again....I will stay strong as I am right now...Even I fall down infinity times...I will keep my will to be tough...hope God will bless him all the time and he will be doing his best all the way to reach his life goal.... haha..of course....to other very good friends of mine who are leaving INTI, all the best to you and hope to see ya in the future....There is always a chance to meet up as long as we are still in Earth...haha....may everyone can make your own dreams come true...by the way...also thanks to him for introducing me such a good job for me...(>.<)hehe
Friday, November 6, 2009
Losing A Friend
I never expect to lose a friend just in a moment ago. I never think of having something unpleasant that might happen on my friends. May be this is just fate, that make us lose him forever.
I was very excited this morning that Wei Loong called me for a movie last night. We were planning to go for a movie and had lunch together since we wanted to go out have fun together, with my sister too. As usual, I went to yoga in the morning and hoping time passes fast so that we can enjoy many great movie out there. later. At around 10.30 am, I received Wei Loong's call and he told me that our meeting need to be cancel. I was fine with that and with no doubt asking him the reason. He just said he will explain to me later. I was ok with it at that time. Then i received his call for the second time and he told me," ..XXX....got into an accident and he had passed away on the way to hospital........". I thought he must be kidding me and I stop him from continue saying. I asked again," Who had an accident?"His words made me so stunned when Wei Loong told me his name again. I was so shocked and did not know what to react. OMG!! How can this kind of thing happen to him in such a young age. I suddenly felt so emotional and I do not know what to do next. He just passed away so sudden and leaving all of us behind.
I knew him through my ex-room mate in my first semester. I still remembered the first time i went to Poppy with them and i sat his car. On the way to Poppy, we were talking crap saying that we are going to the " library" to study and do assignment. Haha(>.<) Both of us, only me and him, so happen our parents called up and checked on us. I told my parents that we are doing revision in the common room and he lied to his parents with the same way. We were laughing together so happily and had lots of fun. During the second semester, so happen my new room mate is doing the same course with him. So from my room mate, I started to know him about his homework and studies. Everytime he sees me, he will ask," When are we going to "library" again?" And I would just answer hahaha got chance de, there will be plenty of chances for us to have fun together, I wont be leaving Malaysia so soon. I would just smiling at him and answer him that way. Once again, during my first week of second semester, we met again and I was in total drunk in MOS. I was so excited and happy talking nonsense and crap with him and his other friends. One time, I met him with my room mate, because I forgot to bring my room key again at that time. He even laughed at me and said," get drunk till forget to bring key izzit? told you not to drink so much...wahhahaha....." Sometimes I do see him during my break, and I will start talking, laughing and craping with them. The last week before final, I met him again in the pool shop. He insisted want me to go out and have fun with them on the 5th of November, saying that want to celebrate his and my ex-room mates' birthday. But once again I rejected them because I am already back home till then. He even "sampat sampat" came to my side asking me abt my relationship with Adam. Oh god!!! His crap, his smile, his words and his laugh suddenly pop up in my mind. I was so pissed off for not going out with them to have fun, because Poppy that time is the first time.... and also the last time we can have fun together...... in the "library"......
I knew a little about him from his very best friend, Wei Loong. He loves his girlfriend very much and always protect her all the time. This kind of ultimate true love is hard to find and he did very well in his relatioship. He maintain it and also cherish it very much. I even know he put even more effort in studies in the recent semester since he knew very well that he didn't do well in the first semester. Such a nice and good guy, that bring laughter and happiness to all of his friends, yet God wants to take him away from his loved ones. This is really a very sad thing for us, really a very big loss to us too. He is still young, a 19 years old guy, having lots of dream, passion and life goal that have not fullfil yet. This is really a tragedy which really unexpected. I thought Wei Loong is fooling me when the time he told me about his accident, I suddenly became speechless and do not know what to do... I keep asking myself.....what can I help them....What can I do for them.....I definitely will try my best to do for it.......
His two pal was in total depress and sad...as well as madness... for losing a "brother" that had been knowing each other for more than 10 years. Although I just know him for just a couple of months, but I can say that he is really a very very good friend that really bring alot of fun and entertainment to everyone's life. Looks like I really miss the chance having the fun with him, should say I have no chance anymore. His girlfriend is still in critical condition and I really hope that his girlfriend would be fine. Hope that she can think openly and accept the fact that he had leave us. All of us, as his friends, must stay strong together and support each other. We will always remember his laughter and sprit that brought by him, making our life being so lively and colorful. Lets cherish the moment that had with him in heart and continue with life strongly. He will watch us somewhere and also hope that we can stay happy in life. Rest In Peace, My Friend........Rest in Peace.......
I was very excited this morning that Wei Loong called me for a movie last night. We were planning to go for a movie and had lunch together since we wanted to go out have fun together, with my sister too. As usual, I went to yoga in the morning and hoping time passes fast so that we can enjoy many great movie out there. later. At around 10.30 am, I received Wei Loong's call and he told me that our meeting need to be cancel. I was fine with that and with no doubt asking him the reason. He just said he will explain to me later. I was ok with it at that time. Then i received his call for the second time and he told me," ..XXX....got into an accident and he had passed away on the way to hospital........". I thought he must be kidding me and I stop him from continue saying. I asked again," Who had an accident?"His words made me so stunned when Wei Loong told me his name again. I was so shocked and did not know what to react. OMG!! How can this kind of thing happen to him in such a young age. I suddenly felt so emotional and I do not know what to do next. He just passed away so sudden and leaving all of us behind.
I knew him through my ex-room mate in my first semester. I still remembered the first time i went to Poppy with them and i sat his car. On the way to Poppy, we were talking crap saying that we are going to the " library" to study and do assignment. Haha(>.<) Both of us, only me and him, so happen our parents called up and checked on us. I told my parents that we are doing revision in the common room and he lied to his parents with the same way. We were laughing together so happily and had lots of fun. During the second semester, so happen my new room mate is doing the same course with him. So from my room mate, I started to know him about his homework and studies. Everytime he sees me, he will ask," When are we going to "library" again?" And I would just answer hahaha got chance de, there will be plenty of chances for us to have fun together, I wont be leaving Malaysia so soon. I would just smiling at him and answer him that way. Once again, during my first week of second semester, we met again and I was in total drunk in MOS. I was so excited and happy talking nonsense and crap with him and his other friends. One time, I met him with my room mate, because I forgot to bring my room key again at that time. He even laughed at me and said," get drunk till forget to bring key izzit? told you not to drink so much...wahhahaha....." Sometimes I do see him during my break, and I will start talking, laughing and craping with them. The last week before final, I met him again in the pool shop. He insisted want me to go out and have fun with them on the 5th of November, saying that want to celebrate his and my ex-room mates' birthday. But once again I rejected them because I am already back home till then. He even "sampat sampat" came to my side asking me abt my relationship with Adam. Oh god!!! His crap, his smile, his words and his laugh suddenly pop up in my mind. I was so pissed off for not going out with them to have fun, because Poppy that time is the first time.... and also the last time we can have fun together...... in the "library"......
I knew a little about him from his very best friend, Wei Loong. He loves his girlfriend very much and always protect her all the time. This kind of ultimate true love is hard to find and he did very well in his relatioship. He maintain it and also cherish it very much. I even know he put even more effort in studies in the recent semester since he knew very well that he didn't do well in the first semester. Such a nice and good guy, that bring laughter and happiness to all of his friends, yet God wants to take him away from his loved ones. This is really a very sad thing for us, really a very big loss to us too. He is still young, a 19 years old guy, having lots of dream, passion and life goal that have not fullfil yet. This is really a tragedy which really unexpected. I thought Wei Loong is fooling me when the time he told me about his accident, I suddenly became speechless and do not know what to do... I keep asking myself.....what can I help them....What can I do for them.....I definitely will try my best to do for it.......
His two pal was in total depress and sad...as well as madness... for losing a "brother" that had been knowing each other for more than 10 years. Although I just know him for just a couple of months, but I can say that he is really a very very good friend that really bring alot of fun and entertainment to everyone's life. Looks like I really miss the chance having the fun with him, should say I have no chance anymore. His girlfriend is still in critical condition and I really hope that his girlfriend would be fine. Hope that she can think openly and accept the fact that he had leave us. All of us, as his friends, must stay strong together and support each other. We will always remember his laughter and sprit that brought by him, making our life being so lively and colorful. Lets cherish the moment that had with him in heart and continue with life strongly. He will watch us somewhere and also hope that we can stay happy in life. Rest In Peace, My Friend........Rest in Peace.......
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Relief
Don't know why I just feel like writing blog now....I am starting to feel relieved.....Relieved with my everything...i started to get use to driving alone in car, instead of sitting in his car and let him bring me wherever I want....I started to get use to have lunch and dinner with my closed friends in INTI,especially with Emelia, and not having lunch with him in dining hall and dinner outside....no need to wait for him after his basketball for dinner.....I so get use to find him through sms, msn or skype, but now I won't think of looking for him anymore...I am just relieved that I can go through all my daily life by myself....life without him...is actually good!!(>.<)
May be I was a little mad when the day I knew that he may be back together with his ex, but is really a pain killer for me that really can relieve my pain from being regret for what I have done. I wish him all the best being with her and do not lose her anymore. As for me, a life being available may be good for me and I still like the freedom of it. Seeing many people beside me couple together, I am happy for them and I definitely will give all my blessing to them, and at the same time, hope that I will not give up with the true love that I always dream of. I think I should be glad to have my life full of excitement and surprise. I should be thankful to him, for waking me up to see properly everything that i should appreciate, especially FRIENDSHIP. he had made me grow even stronger and tough, seeing things in the positive sides instead of the negative.
So sorry that I was drunk that day, did and said alot of rubbish and nonsense, I didn't mean to.I promise I won't be like this again and if I drunk again, haha(>.<), I also wont say those words again. I am really happy with my life now and if possible, hope that it will sustain till the day I am going to oversea. And thanks to my friends that took care of me that day, specially thanks to Emelia for taking care of me half of the night, Kevin, Peach, Lauren, Charissa and her boyfriend, Kamien(although you also drunk with me), Kit Hao(haha sorry for making you didn't enjoy that night), Adam, and others...I don't want to be like that night again, and I believe I can do it.
May be I was a little mad when the day I knew that he may be back together with his ex, but is really a pain killer for me that really can relieve my pain from being regret for what I have done. I wish him all the best being with her and do not lose her anymore. As for me, a life being available may be good for me and I still like the freedom of it. Seeing many people beside me couple together, I am happy for them and I definitely will give all my blessing to them, and at the same time, hope that I will not give up with the true love that I always dream of. I think I should be glad to have my life full of excitement and surprise. I should be thankful to him, for waking me up to see properly everything that i should appreciate, especially FRIENDSHIP. he had made me grow even stronger and tough, seeing things in the positive sides instead of the negative.
So sorry that I was drunk that day, did and said alot of rubbish and nonsense, I didn't mean to.I promise I won't be like this again and if I drunk again, haha(>.<), I also wont say those words again. I am really happy with my life now and if possible, hope that it will sustain till the day I am going to oversea. And thanks to my friends that took care of me that day, specially thanks to Emelia for taking care of me half of the night, Kevin, Peach, Lauren, Charissa and her boyfriend, Kamien(although you also drunk with me), Kit Hao(haha sorry for making you didn't enjoy that night), Adam, and others...I don't want to be like that night again, and I believe I can do it.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Prospective Angles
I see his facebook, and I almost started to cry...haha but I manage to get hold of it....Hope that everything will be fine.....I was talking to a friend about how guys and girls think.....I guess when he see this post he will be smiling(>.<) Yea...guys and girls think in different way...especially seeing in love...I can say most of the girls are emotional when facing love problem, including me....and guys seem to look more calm and wont show out their true feeling.....haha....i guess i get my friend's advice. Stop being emo and see things in different perspective...different angle....yea...I always trying to do that....I always learning that.....I know there are much more thing which are more fantastic and lovely in the world and LOVE is not only the one....I have to learn up and able to go through this because this is part of my life...I should see things in different angle and realise that there are much more other thing for me to experience and enjoy it....
I will try my best to pull off from this emo feeling and continue to be myself....I shouldnt be afraid of falling down because I believe that I can stand up again....I should see the positive perspective of it rather than seeing the bad side of it....so i will continue with my life and have the strength and passion to carry on with my life....thanks to all my friends that making me open my eyes to see how wonderful the world is...how wonderful my life is...Because of you all.. my friends, I realise how fortunate I am and I am not alone.....Thank you to all of you for being such good friends. I really don't know how to express my gratitude with nice words but what i can do is by saying thank you....
There is an important element we have in life is trust, I trust my friends, my family, everyone that I know and him. Trust is very crucial between friends and family that strenghten our relationship. One thing i just realise that I still believe him. I understand him a little somehow in these few months,I still think that he is not a bad person like what I think before and I have faith in him. I believe that he is really not ready for it and I know he is not that kind of person. So I will face him with the courage I have, I wont avoid him because avoiding will not help both of us and solve the problem either. I will still waiting for his answer no matter what and I will accept it calmly(haha may be emo a while then should be fine, like I say, girls are always emotional). Treasure every part of life and make life meaningful.....That is my goal in life and also a promise to myself......(>.<)
I will try my best to pull off from this emo feeling and continue to be myself....I shouldnt be afraid of falling down because I believe that I can stand up again....I should see the positive perspective of it rather than seeing the bad side of it....so i will continue with my life and have the strength and passion to carry on with my life....thanks to all my friends that making me open my eyes to see how wonderful the world is...how wonderful my life is...Because of you all.. my friends, I realise how fortunate I am and I am not alone.....Thank you to all of you for being such good friends. I really don't know how to express my gratitude with nice words but what i can do is by saying thank you....
There is an important element we have in life is trust, I trust my friends, my family, everyone that I know and him. Trust is very crucial between friends and family that strenghten our relationship. One thing i just realise that I still believe him. I understand him a little somehow in these few months,I still think that he is not a bad person like what I think before and I have faith in him. I believe that he is really not ready for it and I know he is not that kind of person. So I will face him with the courage I have, I wont avoid him because avoiding will not help both of us and solve the problem either. I will still waiting for his answer no matter what and I will accept it calmly(haha may be emo a while then should be fine, like I say, girls are always emotional). Treasure every part of life and make life meaningful.....That is my goal in life and also a promise to myself......(>.<)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Sweet Moments
I guess this is where we start...... photo shooting.....
The pose that we think together during training
The role play that we choose together (doctor & nurse)
The moment of Can I have This Dance
The day we went to LCCT together
The CMA Night that we took this picture together
All these memories will always be cherished in my heart, my soul, and my mind.....(weeping again)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Crying In Heart
Why can't I stop thinking about him... Why each and every piece of memories with him keep appearing in my mind, even when I sleep. The more I tell myself not to think about him, the more i want to think and see him. Why is this so torturing? Even how deep my love towards him and how much care I can give him, he may not come back to me.
Everytime when i wake up from my sleep, I feel like we had just end yesterday. I feel like orientation night just over not long ago. The sweet memories had became sour, and thinking of that I will start crying, asking why. That past few days many good friends of mine comfort me through phone, sms, msn and blog, I really touched by their words and their comfort. They are like telling me that I am not alone and I still have them. My tears can't stop crying out whenever I see what they wrote to me. Thank all of you that willing to be my listener, give me comfort and being caring to me. I seriously don't know what to say or do to show my gratitude and I am just feel thankful to have all of you. May be I couldnt promise so fast that I will be ok for these few weeks, but one thing I can promise is I will take care of myself and continue with my life. I won't be giving up in everthing because it will be silly to do that.
Haitz... I still have alot of doubts and I don't know whether I still have the courage to ask him face to face.Where is he now? What is he doing? Is he alright with his exams? Is he really fully recover from his fever? Does he feel cold for these few nights because is always rain outside and the weather is cold? How is he doing? This is what I kept on concerning about him. I try to make myself busy with other things but somehow I will still think about him. Whenever outside is raining heavily, I will be very moody, is like god is crying for me, pitying meand I also feel myself that same way(pitiful)...Everytime wake up from sleep, I will be very emotional and start to cry. I don't want to have this kind of life anymore and really don't know when can this kind of feelings end. I am really a big loser that lost many things, lost my trust, love, and also myself.....
I always ask.....Where he had gone to ? where is the "him" that I know? He had disappear izzit?? Why is he disappearing in a sudden? Where is the" him" that always get me Guai Wei Guo from Wong Kok?? Where is the"him" that always lend me a shoulder when I am sleepy and sad??Where is the"him" that will say "sayang" me when I am stressed up and moody?? Where is the "him" that always tease me and make fun of me?? Where is the"him" that says enjoy to dance waltz with me?? When is the"him" that will wake me up in the morning to make sure that I had woke up?? Where is the "him" that will buy me supper when I am hungry at night?? WHERE IS HE NOW?? I really miss him alot until I can't stop thinking about him. I was thinking, he make this decision may be because he has some difficulties which he couldnt tell me, or he really mean it and really wanna end it. I guess I am helping him to get excuses for himself. Why I have to think so much, no!! Is thinking too much for him as he may not know how am I right now, he may not even bother to know too...
I guess I am still waiting for him and putting hope on him, hope that we can still be together. I can't do anything accept waiting for him and his answer. I have no idea how are we going to be later in future and whether I still can have the courage to see him. I really scared that I will cry in front of him when seeing him, thats make me vulnerable like an ant which can be killed by human being in anytime. My heart now thirst for blood because it can't stop from bleeding. What else I can do besides waiting, hoping and crying in heart...??
Everytime when i wake up from my sleep, I feel like we had just end yesterday. I feel like orientation night just over not long ago. The sweet memories had became sour, and thinking of that I will start crying, asking why. That past few days many good friends of mine comfort me through phone, sms, msn and blog, I really touched by their words and their comfort. They are like telling me that I am not alone and I still have them. My tears can't stop crying out whenever I see what they wrote to me. Thank all of you that willing to be my listener, give me comfort and being caring to me. I seriously don't know what to say or do to show my gratitude and I am just feel thankful to have all of you. May be I couldnt promise so fast that I will be ok for these few weeks, but one thing I can promise is I will take care of myself and continue with my life. I won't be giving up in everthing because it will be silly to do that.
Haitz... I still have alot of doubts and I don't know whether I still have the courage to ask him face to face.Where is he now? What is he doing? Is he alright with his exams? Is he really fully recover from his fever? Does he feel cold for these few nights because is always rain outside and the weather is cold? How is he doing? This is what I kept on concerning about him. I try to make myself busy with other things but somehow I will still think about him. Whenever outside is raining heavily, I will be very moody, is like god is crying for me, pitying meand I also feel myself that same way(pitiful)...Everytime wake up from sleep, I will be very emotional and start to cry. I don't want to have this kind of life anymore and really don't know when can this kind of feelings end. I am really a big loser that lost many things, lost my trust, love, and also myself.....
I always ask.....Where he had gone to ? where is the "him" that I know? He had disappear izzit?? Why is he disappearing in a sudden? Where is the" him" that always get me Guai Wei Guo from Wong Kok?? Where is the"him" that always lend me a shoulder when I am sleepy and sad??Where is the"him" that will say "sayang" me when I am stressed up and moody?? Where is the "him" that always tease me and make fun of me?? Where is the"him" that says enjoy to dance waltz with me?? When is the"him" that will wake me up in the morning to make sure that I had woke up?? Where is the "him" that will buy me supper when I am hungry at night?? WHERE IS HE NOW?? I really miss him alot until I can't stop thinking about him. I was thinking, he make this decision may be because he has some difficulties which he couldnt tell me, or he really mean it and really wanna end it. I guess I am helping him to get excuses for himself. Why I have to think so much, no!! Is thinking too much for him as he may not know how am I right now, he may not even bother to know too...
I guess I am still waiting for him and putting hope on him, hope that we can still be together. I can't do anything accept waiting for him and his answer. I have no idea how are we going to be later in future and whether I still can have the courage to see him. I really scared that I will cry in front of him when seeing him, thats make me vulnerable like an ant which can be killed by human being in anytime. My heart now thirst for blood because it can't stop from bleeding. What else I can do besides waiting, hoping and crying in heart...??
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